My friend, my sister,
my corporate imagined self
as I your funhouse self
am mirrored,
boxed in sunless weeks mazing
like 40-hour rats
With a stack of recommendations and a two-page resume, she arrived in Washington a year ago last June. She was "36 and full of ideals," as she wrote in her journal, a sheaf of typed pages in a loose-leaf binder. She had been a real estate agent, an executive recruiter, a paralegal and lately an administrative assistant to the president of an architectural engineering firm in Bloomington, Minn.
She had enjoyed an upper-middle-class class childhood in Southern California, but struggled as a teen-ager through her parents' divorce and, later, two bad marriages of her own - the first a shotgun wedding at age 18, to a North Carolina country boy; the second, a brief, explosive marriage to a San Francisco man.
Fleeing her second marriage for Minnesota, where her mother was living, she was overtaken on the highway by a religious epiphany. She had weathered alcoholism, the painful separation from a daughter and son by her first marriage and a nagging sense of purposelessness. She had subordinated her identity to that of her parents and husbands. Now, at the wheel of her red Toyota, she decided in a flash to name herself Benjamin, "after one of the wandering tribes of Israel."
There it is:
The straight world
the moneyed world
the world of expectations
and regrets