ACT IIIScene 2
(Daylight, Lafayette Park. All previous signs are gone. UJC
is lying wrapped in a blanket on the sidewalk beside JONAH and
FEY's new 4' x 8' signs:JONAH: "It seems to me we're in a pretty good
position. They've lost or destroyed the camera, destroyed our
signs, and violated our constitutional rights. Payne blatantly
perjured himself in court, said WE assaulted HIM, but the Grand
Jury threw the assault charge right out. Of course, they're
feeling pretty smug right now over the Supreme Court ruling that
upheld the camping regulations...."
UJC: "Clearly unconstitutional, written by a couple
of low-level wage slaves to justify their existence..."
JONAH: "...and just following orders."
UJC: "Two of the Justices agree with us."
HESTER: "Maybe so. But they're just two justices
against seven injustices -- and they probably see a gaggle of
'kooks' agreein' with 'em on the sidewalk as doin' 'em more harm
JONAH: "It's all a matter of perspective."
UJC: "I wonder what's cooking now." (Grins.)
"I can hardly wait to find out!"
HESTER: "Four days you been lyin' here, and
nobody's arrested you. Don't push your luck, or mark my words,
somethin' terrible will happen!"
UJC: "I appreciate your concern, Hester. It may be
a little hard to understand, but I'm just doing my job."
HESTER: "Yeah? Whadda you get paid for it? A trip
UJC: "Maybe. But my biggest payment is
self-respect. How's AC?"
HESTER: "He's supposed to come out today. I'm
awful glad. Hate to tell him this, but I don't think much of
life without AC any more. Most of the time I go with him to the
hospital -- he's been in more than he's out this past year -- and
I tell you, I hate the hospital. I'm tired. Last night I went
down to the grates, it felt strange ... they're covering over the
grates with big iron cages. It's not right, not right at all.
An' there's some rough types, I almost got raped again, had to
come up to the Park. This is the only safe place for a woman to
sleep, out here by the signs. AC's a cussed old goat, but he's
all I got, an' he appreciates me. Yeah, I'll be glad to see
"WARNING: U.S. SUPREME COURT IS
HAZARDOUS TO YOUR CONSTITUTION"
"BRUTALITY AND LIES WILL NOT
and "IF GENOCIDAL WEAPONS ARE PEACEMAKERS, THEN
ADOLF HITLER WAS A SAINT!"
HESTER stands at UJC's feet, pushing
an empty wheelchair full of her bags. JONAH sits beside UJC.
FEY is busy painting a new sign under the sycamore tree.)
(FEY carries over the new sign, "WELCOME TO PRESIDENT'S PARK,
WHERE SLEEP IS CONSIDERED A CRIME," and positions it behind
FEY: "There you go, now your physical demonstration
is backed up by some explanatory words. Don't want anyone to
mistake what you're doing as camping!"
(Enter Officer SPOOFNER.)
UJC: (To JONAH, aside) "Ah, our favorite
flunky. Looks like maybe my ship's finally come in. About
(UJC pretends to be asleep.)
JONAH: "Hello, Officer Spoofner."
SPOOFNER: (Ignores JONAH.) "Wake up."
(Uses his night stick to poke UJC, who refuses to open his
"You're going to have to move, sir. I have my orders. They're
not going to allow you to continue your defiance of the
regulations. You are CLEARLY lying on BEDDING. I have no
choice, if you won't move. One last time, will you cooperate?"
JONAH: "Officer Spoofner -- I trust and hope you
have your radio on and this is being recorded in the station? --
it's perfectly obvious that this man is not camping, but is
protesting, and that the regulation he is protesting and you're
threatening him with is in blatant defiance of his constitutional
rights as guaranteed by the First Amendment."
UJC: (Opens one eye.)
"That's right. Congress is the only body empowered to pass laws.
Congress did NOT pass a law making harmless sleep a crime. It
was a pair of lawyers paid by the President. As the Declaration
of Independence orders, I MUST as a CITIZEN question the
president's police state regulations and must, therefore, do MY
job. You DO have a choice, though. You can allow me to continue
doing my job unmolested. Or you can follow orders which are
unconstitutional. In which case you are in about the same boat
morally as the Nuremberg defendants. Who, by the way, were found
guilty even though they declared they were 'following orders'."
JONAH: "Which will it be, Spoofner? Suit
(SPOOFNER pulls the handcuffs and walkie-talkie off his belt,
calls for a patrol car, and cuffs UJC.)
SPOOFNER: "You're under arrest for violation of 36
CFR 50.27, 'camping.'"
FEY: "What you're doing is wrong, Officer Spoofner.
Are you prepared to face the consequences? Do you understand
karma? Do you know the Golden Rule?"
SPOOFNER: "That's enough. Get back or you're under
(Threatens them both.)
JONAH & FEY: "What for?"
SPOOFNER: "Obstruction of justice."
JONAH: "Are you implying that you are justice?"
SPOOFNER: "No. The Supreme Court is justice."
FEY: "Well, dear, congratulations. Have a nice
rest in jail. No doubt we'll see you tomorrow."
(UJC walks quietly offstage IN SPOOFNER's grip, hands cuffed
behind his back. A car door slams. SPOOFNER comes back and
picks up the blanket, stuffs it into a plastic bag marked
JONAH: "How do you sleep at night, Spoofner?"
(SPOOFNER tries to ignore him, and exits quickly.)
HESTER: (Ominously) "You guys just never
learn. Listen to Mother. Go hide away someplace. You're all of
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