By Al Kamen

Friday, October 2, 1998; Page A25

Tired of hearing all those folks outside the Beltway talking about how insane Washington is? Feeling out of touch with the "real" world out there? Here's a little something from the St. Petersburg Times yesterday to help put things in perspective.

"CLEARWATER -- In a move that has bewildered even her own party, Democratic state representative candidate Diane Ellis is claiming her opponent, Gus Bilirakis -- the son of longtime congressman Michael Bilirakis -- is an impostor."

Ellis had no proof of this, the article said, but she said the real Gus Bilirakis died in 1995 and the man running for office is named Danny Divito of New York and Washington, D.C. She said Rep. Bilirakis (R-Fla.) is paying Divito to replace his son.

Gus Bilirakis, a longtime lawyer in Florida's Pinellas County, was stunned when a Times reporter told him. "Oh my goodness," he said. "I'm shocked." (Not really a denial, though.)

Pinellas County Democratic Chairwoman Nancy Whitman said she could not imagine why Ellis would believe such a story. While Ellis is a nice person, Whitman said, "She's not going to win any intelligence contests."

When a Times reporter asked about the allegations, Ellis said she got the information from a private investigator, but wouldn't name him.

"Ellis, who met Bilirakis for the first time last week, said the man she met was too short and his voice wasn't the same as she remembered from 1991 when she talked to him on the phone," the article said. " 'I'm putting my whole self out on this because I believe it and I know it,' she said. 'He is not Gus Bilirakis. He is not the person.' "

Ellis, 59, a Palm Harbor resident, qualified for office by collecting signatures from voters.

Paul Bedinghaus, chairman of the Pinellas County Republican Party, said the Democrats should do a better job of screening candidates.

Only the Networks Can Afford 'Free' Enterprise

Cashing in on Monicagate. The U.S. Chamber of Commerce, citadel of capitalism, is ideally situated, literally, to make a buck off President Clinton's sexual and other misdeeds. That's because its headquarters sits directly across Lafayette Park from the White House, making the rooftop a splendid location from which network anchors and lesser on-air types can reflect on the president's many self-inflicted wounds.

And, this being America, the chamber is willing to rent rooftop space for a measly $6,000 a day. There's naturally a cut rate of just under $100,000 for monthly rental. So far, two networks, CBS and ABC, have staked out turf. They've opted for the monthly rate. NBC is looking around but so far hasn't rented.

"There's still space available," said chamber spokesman Frank Coleman, so "come on down."

The chamber, he notes, has done this before, for inaugurals and such, but monthly rentals are pretty rare. "It takes a sustained news event to cause this much free enterprise to occur."

At the Beep, Hang Up

A House aide tried yesterday to reach an operator by dialing "0." He got a recorded message: "The U.S. Capitol switchboard is closed for the Thanksgiving holiday. Operator services will resume on Nov. 28 at 6 a.m." He held on for a bit longer and another recording came on: "Sorry you are having trouble. Please try again later." Say around Christmas next spring?

Bullet Holes in the Parachute

Even before the long, long awaited renomination of Kenneth W. Kizer to be undersecretary for health at the Department of Veterans Affairs landed at the Senate on Wednesday, it was taking incoming fire. On Tuesday, Sen. Jeff Sessions (R-Ala.) wrote Senate Veterans Affairs Chairman Arlen Specter (R-Pa.) to "express my doubt" about the nomination. Sessions said he would "consider placing a hold on the renomination" because of his concerns that veterans with spinal cord injuries and other handicaps are not being served.

Not I, Said the Private Eye

Private investigator Terry F. Lenzner, who's done some work for the Clinton folks, has been much in the news of late, with the word circulating that he was behind the disclosure of House Judiciary Committee Chairman Henry J. Hyde's "youthful indiscretion" many years ago.

Absolutely not so, Lenzner said in a recent letter to Hyde. And in a letter last week to the rest of the Judiciary Committee, Lenzner said, "we have reviewed the names of [committee] members . . . and can affirm that we have never been requested to inquire into -- nor have we ever made any inquiries -- regarding any of the representatives from either party."

Onboard and Off

New Energy Secretary Bill Richardson is putting his team together. Gary J. Falle, principal deputy assistant secretary for congressional and intergovernmental affairs, has been named chief of staff, and Melanie Kenderdine, deputy assistant secretary for House liaison and Richardson's chief of staff when he was in the House representing New Mexico in the 1980s, is to be senior policy adviser.

Gene Karp, former Arizona Democratic senator Dennis DeConcini's chief of staff for 18 years and more recently deputy assistant secretary for employment standards at the Department of Labor, is retiring today and taking some time off before going to the private sector.